Not Home Yet
by ChocoboFeather
Summary: The USS Voyager is back in the Alpha Quadrant, but for Kathryn Janeway it's not all she thought it would be. I'll be re-working this some time, probably expanding it, so feedback of all constructive sorts are more than welcome .
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Characters etc. belong to Paramount. I'm just having my share of fun.

Author's note: All feedback is welcome. All I ask is that you be honest, but gentle (bats eyes innocently).

Thanks to Singing Violin for lending a helping hand:)

* * *

**Not Home Yet**

by Chocobo87

Kathryn looked at Chakotay from across the room. His appearance had barely changed since she first met him all those years ago, except now he was cleaner and formally dressed. How she already missed their dinners and the time spent together on the holodeck. She knew she could not have expected him to choose the solitude she had been resigned to accept for herself. He'd had none of the moral restrictions that came with being captain. His devoted friendship had for a while seemed enough, but the pain and jealousy she'd felt every time she'd seen him look so tenderly at another woman had nearly been unbearable. Would it really have been so horrible to allow herself to give in to his numerous, yet subtle invitations? His affairs had always been brief, so she'd taken for granted he would never really belong to anyone else. If only she could get them home within their lifetime, it would not be too late. That was the hope she had carried.

But then came Seven of Nine. An unlikely match, but there it was. Hearing herself say he would be Seven's husband was like a stab to the heart. Perhaps things would be different now, or perhaps not. At least now she need not deny herself any more. If only he would give her a sign... something, anything to tell her it was not too late.

Suddenly he turned. Kathryn felt a strike of panic as she realized he had noticed her staring at him. She tried to cover it as best she could with a smile and walked decidedly towards a group of people nearby, trying to seem interested in their conversation and join in, but never letting Chakotay slip from the corner of her eye. He was coming towards her! _What will I say?!_ They hadn't really had a chance to talk since their arrival home, only a few days ago.It wasn't that she had failed to notice his many attempts to speak with her, but that, being irrationally afraid to hear what he trying to say, she had done her best to avoid the issue.

Seemingly out of the blue, Seven grabbed Chakotay's attention. He gave Kathryn one last glance, then turned his attention towards his date. The captain didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed, despite her initial panic. There was nothing she wanted more than for him to take her into his arms and be with her forever. But she could never come between him and Seven if it proved to be the tall blonde he really wanted. Kathryn couldn't blame Chakotay for having fallen for her beauty and intelligence. Though no one could have guessed when they'd first liberated her, Seven was actually very charming, now that she'd had four years to rediscover her humanity. Kathryn could almost blame the formation of this couple on herself, when she thought about it. She knew she was responsible for a great deal of how Seven had turned out; she'd even encouraged the ex-Borg to explore the world of romance. Seemingly, she had influenced her charge more than she'd intended.

Kathryn's love for her protégée, whom she had come to see as somewhat of a daughter, having watched her grow and thrive, was not making her decision any easier. Clearly, her ultimate course of action would depend on Chakotay's feelings. The obvious thing to do was, of course, to ask him directly and let him know how she felt, but did she have the right? That would be interfering with what could very well be Chakotay's and Seven's happiness. _But who is to say their happy endings will be with each other? They might break up somewhere down the line anyway. After all, circumstances are very different now from those under which they got married._

Eventually Chakotay left Seven and continued in Kathryn's direction. She barely realized what was happening before he said her name in greeting.

"Chakotay," she replied with a careful smile.

"We're here. We made it," he stated, as if he too had trouble believing it.

"Indeed." Kathryn gave a chuckle; that was the only other thing that had occupied her mind since she had found herself in the Alpha Quadrant again. "I can hardly believe it."

"Same here. I feel I'll wake up any moment and the Borg or some other hostile species will be right around the nearest nebula."

"Well, you know me: as long as I have my coffee, I'll survive."

"I'd bet on that," he replied with a laugh. _Oh, that wonderful laugh._ Then the band, as if knowing her heart's desire, started playing her favourite melody by Tchaikovsky. "Would you like to dance?"

Before she'd had time to think, she'd accepted. _What am I doing?! How can I hide what I feel when I'm this close to him?_ But it was too late now. He took her hand and pulled her out on the floor. His arm wrapped around her waist as he held her close and started moving them both to the waves of the music. Her right arm on his left, Kathryn could feel Chakotay's tension, which rivalled her own. She didn't dare look him in the eyes. _I can't risk his seeing what I feel for him, not yet. I'm not ready._

_**What do I mean I'm not ready? This is what I've been waiting for all my life, even before I knew it myself!**_

_But what if he doesn't reciprocate? I know he did once, but his feelings may have changed. And Seven deserves better than to have someone steal her man._

_**It's not stealing if he chooses me of his own accord.**_

Her eyes finally ventured to meet Chakotay's. He smiled softly. She couldn't help but smile back at him. Seven or no Seven, right now the man of her dreams held her in his arms, smiled at her, looked at her. She couldn't feel anything but joy as the world around them, the entire time-space-continuum, seemed to disappear. Neither the past nor the future seemed to matter, only the here and now. Kathryn could almost swear it was not the hard, wooden floor of the ballroom, but clouds upon which they were dancing.

Was it just her imagination, or had Chakotay slowly been pulling her closer and closer? _What's happening?_ Neither of them were smiling anymore._ What is that look on his face? I've seen it before, have I not? Years ago…_ Her eyes were locked with his and she noticed it got more difficult to breathe. Naturally, it didn't take long before she got dizzy and stumbled. Like the trusty first officer he had always been to her, Chakotay caught her and took her out into the gardens for some fresh air.

They were beautiful gardens: paths of gravel that made crunching noises as one walked down the lane past yellow lilies, purple irises, pink cherry-trees, white apple-trees and beautiful red roses, all in bloom on this warm, starlit summer night. Chakotay gently guided Kathryn to a white marble bench in a slightly secluded spot behind a row of trees.

"You okay?" he asked as soon as he was sitting next her in the warm, dim light from a streetlamp.

"I'm fine," she replied curtly, obviously lying.

"You're sure? For the seven years I've known you you've never been one to faint easily."

"Yes, I am, and I didn't faint! I just lost my footing. Don't worry about me; you should get back to your date," she retorted more sharply than she intended.

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, but no words came and he closed it quickly. After a few seconds, he reluctantly got up and turned to leave, but immediately stopped. As the commander bent down and picked a luscious rose from its dark green bush he said, "I hope you know that just because we're no longer isolated from Earth and the rest of the Alpha Quadrant, it doesn't mean I'll no longer be there for you whenever you need me, or just someone to talk to." He looked at her through the corner of his eye. Lids closing for a moment, he inhaled the sweet scent of the flower before handing it to his long-time friend.

This time, Kathryn was the one to whom words would not come easily. She merely stared at the rose in front of her and silently accepted it as Chakotay continued back inside. Surreptitiously, he regarded her one last time, sitting there all alone beneath the apple-blossoms, before reentering the ballroom and finding Seven by the refreshments table.

"Is the captain ill?" she asked when Chakotay stood beside her.

"She'll be fine," he replied. "She just needed some fresh air." He tried to seem casual, but Seven could tell he was troubled. Being quite familiar with her accurate perceptive skills, Chakotay quickly asked if she would join him on the dance floor, hoping she'd forget all about it. She did not, but assessed that it would not be prudent to pursue the matter presently.

Shortly after, the lonely captain was standing in the doorway, contemplating the dancing couple. _So he still cares about me, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants anything but my friendship. Does he love her?_ She took another thoughtful whiff of the red flower in her hand. _Or me?_

Her mind going in circles, she didn't notice the man coming towards her from her right.

"What are doing standing here all by yourself? There are plenty of people dying to talk to the captain who crossed half the galaxy."

"I didn't see you there, Admiral Paris," Janeway replied, startled at being ripped away from her reverie.

"How are you? You don't look as thoroughly happy as I might have expected to find you."

"Oh, I'm just fine, thank you," Janeway said, just managing to force out a smile. "It's just a lot to digest, you know, coming home after seven years instead of seventy. I guess I almost got used to the prospect of never seeing Earth again."

"Quite understandable, Captain." Paris's expression underlined that he meant it. "You're likely to be considered for Admiral, you know," he revealed, changing the subject.

"Really…" Janeway didn't know how to respond other than with surprise.

"Yes. It's no small deed to bring the better part of a crew home alive across seventy thousand light years, not to mention deliver a crippling blow or two to the Borg in the process. I am also eternally grateful for the return of my son, in more than one way." His second chance with Tom was heaven-sent in Owen's eyes. "Of course, nothing is official until after scrutinous debriefings, but to not show firm appreciation of a person regarded as highly by the masses as you are now, wouldn't exactly be smart. Starfleet knows that."

"What about the rest of my crew?"

"Of that I know only a little. So far it hasn't even been decided if the Maquis will be pardoned for their previous crimes. It all really depends on your reports and such. I will, however, do whatever I can to see that they get the honours they deserve. After all, one is now the mother of my grandchild." He gave a warm smile at the mention of the new-born.

"Speaking of which, how are little Miral and her parents?"

"As far as I can tell, they are doing just fine, considering the newcomer keeps them up most of the night. Of course, they're in an adjustment period, much like you are, and probably even more so as they didn't have as much tying them to Earth. Why not ask them yourself? I believe they're around here somewhere," Kathryn's colleague and dear friend suggested while taking an overview of the room, as if trying to locate the individuals in question.

"Yes, I spotted Tom earlier, but lost him in the crowd," she conceded with a slight, crooked smile.

There was quite an impressive attendance at their welcome home party. Even though half her crewmembers were still criminals on paper, the long-lost people as a group had a made a much appreciated return. Besides, as far as Starfleet was concerned, no one deserved to be ripped away from everything familiar and dear as _Voyager_'s and the _Val Jean_'s crews had been.

"Ah, there they are," the Admiral exclaimed as he spotted them leaving the dancefloor and indicated their location to Kathryn before he excused himself to continue mingling.

The rest of the evening was, for Kathryn, filled with small talk with most of her former subordinates, fellow captains, and several flag officers, the latter two all too eager to give her effusive praise for her awe-inspiring accomplishments. Secretly, Chakotay watched her whenever Seven did not demand his full attention. He seriously considered going after her when she stealthily left the party well before midnight, but decided she probably needed her space more than anything at the moment. However, he didn't bother remaining much longer himself and soon made an excuse to Seven for leaving so early.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: as I'm sure you all know Star Trek isn't mine.  
Author's note: I'm completly disregarding any information given outside the TV-show, such as the name of Janeway's sister.

* * *

Three weeks after the party, Chakotay and Kathryn still had not spoken. They missed each other terribly, but Kathryn was still determined not to interfere with his relationship with Seven in any way, and Chakotay was afraid to force his company on her. He knew what the problem was, but he couldn't just dump the ex-Borg without a better reason. That would be truly unforgivable in Kathryn's eyes.

The middle-aged man was, however, becoming less and less sure that he would be able to provide Seven with all she needed in the long run, just as uncertain as he was becoming of her ability to make him happy. It had been exciting in the beginning to help her discover her romantic and feminine side. On _Voyager_ she'd been dominating and extremely sure of herself in all aspects, except in that of personal relationships. This had fascinated him greatly. Regrettably, as time went on he'd discovered that Seven wasn't quite the woman he'd pictured her to be underneath her overt vulnerability and shyness.

He'd envisioned he'd teach her all about romance and sexuality, had thought it exciting that through her he might see things in new ways and really get in touch with his romantic side. There hadn't exactly been many opportunities for exploration in that field during their time in the Delta Quadrant. A few, he had to admit, but certainly not many, and none that had ever had any lasting possibilities. At his age, a kiss here and a fling there just wasn't satisfactory. Seven, unlike all the previous girls who'd shown interest in him, wasn't going anywhere – at least, not anywhere he wasn't going also. There just hadn't been any reason to decline the first invitation to have dinner with her.

Still, he couldn't stop thinking about his former captain: her natural authority and leadership, the way she walked, the way she talked - like an angel sometimes, how protective and caring she had been for her crew, as if they were her own children. She had even been more than willing to give her life for them, on several occasions. When someone came to her for help or guidance, she had always been there for them as best she could. His fondest memories were of the few times she'd been completely relaxed, for example when enjoying the etherial music of the Enarans, or when she'd made the jaw of every crewmember drop at her – until then – secret pool skills. But most of all, he remembered how, on New Earth, she'd been completely at ease. They both had…

Seven too had trouble relaxing on a daily basis. Seeing her eventually relax on that first date was one of the things that had attracted him to her, because of the fascinating contrast it was to the way she carried herself most of the time: so like Kathryn in so many ways. It was no surprise really; Kathryn had practically raised Seven. _Which, by extension, practically makes me her father…_

At the sound of the door chime, Chakotay sprang from the chair he'd been sitting in. _Of course, dinner with Seven at eight._

"I'll be right there!" he shouted as he hurried across the room to recycle his mug of coffee and grab his coat. Opening the door, the tall, dark man greeted the equally tall but fair girl cordially with a flattering comment on her appearance. She smiled sweetly but didn't blush as she used to when he complimented her.

xxxxxxxx

Dinner went by uneventfully. Both had begun noticing how they no longer had as much to talk about. Mostly Seven would inquire as to how various ex-crewmembers from _Voyager_ were doing and Chakotay would give her the latest updates. The only ones with whom she was still in contact were little Naomi, who wrote her every week, and the doctor, to whom she still went for guidance on non-romantic social matters. The doctor had suggested she let Chakotay take over completely, due to her new level of intimacy with said organic. However, Seven wished to continue her friendship with the hologram, and by continuing her lessons with him, she could ensure they would have at least one excuse to get together, despite their busy schedules.

Walking Seven back to her apartment at Starfleet Headquarters after dinner, Chakotay still had trouble finding a subject of conversation. It was as if they'd already said all there was to say between them.

"Well, good night," he said when his date was standing halfway through the door. He gave her a peck on the lips.

He was about to turn to walk away when she asked, "Would you like to come in?"

Chakotay stopped dead in his tracks. It wasn't that she'd never invited him in before – they were both restricted to HQ for the time being – just not late at night after a romantic dinner. Knowing he couldn't just stand there forever, he accepted politely, with his usual, charming smile.

"May I offer you something to drink? A glass of wine perhaps?"

"Ye…umm, no. Thank you." With all the confusion in his mind these days he deemed this the wrong time not to have as clear a mind as he possibly could.

"Some coffee, then?"

"I…a cup of tea would be nice." He had to wonder if she'd done it purpose. Chakotay had certainly not meant to let on how torn he was of late, between his constant thoughts of Kathryn and not wanting to hurt Seven's feelings. Of course, Seven was not easily deceived. Perhaps he was only deceiving himself.

With a nod and a smile, Seven went to the replicator to get the beverage. "Two cups of herbal tea." Chakotay sat down on the couch as the curvy blonde brought the steaming cups across the room.

"Thanks." Seven handed him his cup. They drank their tea in strained silence. Chakotay had the distinct impression that Seven was building up courage for something. Or maybe she was waiting for him to make a move…

It wasn't long ago she'd felt she could ask the commander anything, but he had been so peculiarly distant since their return to Earth, especially since the party. By now she was afraid of how he might react to certain questions of hers, not to mention some of the things she had begun wanting to do. It had been some time before she'd felt ready, and now it seemed too late.

As nothing more was said while they emptied their cups, Chakotay bid Seven goodnight and headed to his own apartment. The young woman was left lonely and frustrated. Desperately in need of friendly advice, she decided to call on the doctor first thing in the morning, before her scheduled interrogation by Starfleet.

xxxxxxx

"All I can say is that if this is something you feel you can't discuss with the commander, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your relationship with him," was the only guidance the doctor was comfortable giving on such a delicate matter.

"That is unsatisfactory advice," protested Seven. "I do not believe he would intentionally hurt me, yet I'm wary of his response. Time spent with him is no longer as comfortable and attractive as it used to be, yet I hesitate to break off our relationship. It is very confusing."

"Naturally. This is, however, not exactly my field of expertise. I really think you should speak with someone more…experienced on the matter. Counsellor Troi, for instance. I believe she happens to be in the vicinity of HQ next week."

"You are sure? I'm somewhat uncomfortable speaking about this with a complete stranger…though not as uncomfortable as with the thought of confronting Chakotay…"

"Trust me. Deanna is the best there is when it comes to emotional issues. I can't think of anyone more qualified with whom to discuss matters of the heart."

"Well, if you insist."

"Wonderful," the doctor concluded with a satisfied smile. "I'll ask her to meet with you at her earliest convenience."

xxxxxxx

"Hi, pleased to meet you. I'm Counsellor Deanna Troi. You must be Seven of Nine," the half-Betazoid greeted Seven at the café where they'd agreed to meet.

"Yes, but you may call me Seven. Thank you for meeting with me. The doctor spoke very highly of you."

"Aww, he's too kind," responded the dark haired woman with a modest laugh. "Please, sit down." Seven complied. "So, what did you wish to discuss? All the doctor said was that you're having difficulties with some emotional issues which are new to you."

"It's about my…boyfriend. I'm uncertain as to what extent he still cares for me, as well as my feelings for him. It is…unsettling." Seven's discomfort in discussing the matter was obvious.

"Well, the first thing I can tell you is that your problem is a very common one. Almost everyone goes through it sooner or later…though that is usually of little comfort," the counsellor admitted. "Now, I can sense your overwhelming confusion, but I promise to do my best in helping you sort your feelings. That way you can better judge what it is you really want. Don't be afraid. Everything you say is between us, unless you wish otherwise. So, just relax. Okay?"

Seven did her best to oblige, and as the session transpired, she discovered she was getting a better perspective of her feelings as well her relationship with Chakotay. Naturally, not much was accomplished in only one session, but it was just enough for Seven to be very grateful for the doctor's advice and Deanna's help.

She also concluded that Deanna was another great model of humanity and individuality. This made her think of her former captain. Janeway had distanced herself from her charge since their return to Earth – much like Chakotay, but to a greater extent. This saddened Seven in a way she had felt on only a few previous occasions. Now, more than ever, she knew how important Kathryn Janeway was to her. At times, though there was no concrete reason to, she had to wonder if her new relationship with the commander was the cause. Obviously, as Seven was constantly reminded, she still had a great deal to learn about the minds of individuals. And yet, thanks to the help of Deanna Troi, she regenerated a little more peacefully that night.

xxxxxxx

Weeks went by with everyone just going about their business: reports were being scrutinized, ex-crewmates questioned, the doctor, Seven and the modifications to _Voyager_ studied down to the tiniest detail. Seven also continued her sessions with counsellor Troi, becoming more and more certain that there was little hope of a future with Chakotay. Despite that, she resisted telling him this. She hadn't even told him about her counselling sessions.

He could tell she was keeping something from him though, but being unsure of their relationship himself he dared not confront her, afraid he'd have to answer some difficult questions himself.

Feeling the need for fresh air to clear his mind, Chakotay decided to take a walk around the grounds of HQ. The weather was nothing but beautiful and the little birds twittering in the trees calmed his thoughts. Turning a corner around some rather tall hedges he was caught completely off-guard by the sight that met him. There was no mistaking the person deeply inhaling the sweet scent of the roses.

"Kathryn?" The woman in question stopped dead. Turning around, her face lit up in recognition, as if she'd just found a long-lost treasure. It took only a second, however, before reality hit and the light faded away. There was no reason to think he wasn't still with Seven.

"Chakotay." Her breath trembled with a slight feeling of déjà vu.

"It's been a while. How are you?" He was almost afraid to ask.

"Oh, just fine, thank you," she replied – as always when she was just the opposite. "You?"

"Can't complain." He lied just as much as she.

"And Seven?" Kathryn forced her body to remain still and her eyes to remain fixed upon Chakotay's stony face. However, she could not bring herself to meet his gaze.

"I wouldn't know." Suddenly he had her full attention, and her eyes locked again with his. "We…don't communicate very well these days." His dark, brown eyes were begging for a response. Kathryn's gaze became distant as she found herself lost in thought. A big part of her leapt with the joy of hope, while another felt guilty for having the former reaction. "Please, say something!" he pleaded.

"What's there to say?" she snapped, regaining focus. "So, you and Seven are having problems; that's none of my business."

"Well…maybe…I think…it is," Chakotay ventured.

Kathryn was lost for words again. "Excuse me. I've got work to do," was all she could muster before starting hurriedly towards one of the buildings.

_That didn't go as well as I'd hoped,_ Chakotay thought to himself as he watched the beautiful woman disappear behind a tall row of thorny bushes.

xxxxxxx

Another two weeks came and went, and Chakotay was having yet another dinner with Seven, with yet more insignificant small talk. Suddenly, Chakotay's com-badge chirped. It was Kathryn's sister.

"Chakotay here." What could she possibly want with him? Had something happened to Kathryn?

"Have you seen my sister? I know she's been avoiding you lately, but neither mom nor I have seen or heard from her in over two weeks. Starfleet doesn't know anything, and she's not at her apartment." Loreen was clearly worried, and seemingly with good reason. Now Chakotay was too. He excused himself to Seven and went out in the hallway, where there was less noise and more privacy.

"No, I haven't. Have you spoken with Admiral Paris? Or Patterson?"

"Yes. All they know is she notified HQ that she'd be absent for a few days. They've tried contacting her too, but have had no success." A few moments of silence went by as Chakotay tried to sort his thoughts. Then he remembered something – something she'd mentioned over one of their many dinners in her quarters.

"I know where she might be. I'll leave immediately. You'll hear from me in an hour or two. I'm sure your sister is just fine."

"That's what she always says when she's not," Loreen said skeptically.

"I mean it; you'll have her back in no time."

"Okay, I hope you're right."

Only just remembering Seven, Chakotay returned to the dining room, quickly excusing himself again to his date. Seven was no longer confused, and now knew what she had to do the next time she had Chakotay alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: as I'm sure you all know Star Trek isn't mine.  
Author's note: I'm completly disregarding any information given outside the TV-show, such as the name of Janeway's sister.

* * *

The water of the lake was lapping peacefully against the shore, while the stars in the clear, dark sky gave only a hint of the life out there in the distance. From far away an owl could be heard in the loneliness of the night. Backed up against a weeping willow, Kathryn was taking refuge in this void from human interaction.

She desperately needed to clear her mind. Unfortunately, that was a hard thing to do while contemplating her every life decision. What would her life have been like, had she not got stranded in the Delta Quadrant, had someone else been given the assignment of arresting Chakotay and his Maquis crew? Quite likely she would have been married to Mark, maybe even had a child or two. _I've often thought of having children. I should have liked that a great deal. _Liked it? She'd yearned for it. Now, it would never happen. A distinct feeling of loss filled her. The only question was how she could lose something she'd never had.

Granted, so many good things had happened to her and to her crew in the Delta Quadrant as well, and they'd even become quite a family. Then again, that was all gone now: the closeness to her crew. There were strong doubts in her about the truth of the ancient saying: _it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all._ At the moment, they were all still together at HQ, but soon she'd loose each one in turn as they scattered all over the Alpha Quadrant. She'd already lost Chakotay, just as she'd been about to cross the finish line.

So she'd thought anyway. Just when it seemed possible to accept his relationship with Seven, that maybe happiness without him was possible, he'd indicated that perhaps she didn't have to.

One would have thought that after seven years in space, she'd be sick and tired of looking at the stars, but strangely enough, she wasn't. The stars had always given her peace, especially when viewed from Earth. Despite the stars, however, this night her mind was so chaotic she didn't notice the dark, handsome man coming up behind her.

"Hello, Kathryn. I thought I'd find you here."

"Chakotay! What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Your sister called me. She's really worried about you. Why didn't you tell anyone where you were going?"

"Loreen is going to pay for this." Her head hit the trunk in resignation. "Obviously I wanted to be alone."

"Obviously." He was still standing behind her, but she could feel him watching her closely.

"What do you want?" Kathryn asked, breaking the silence, clearly irritated.

"To make sure I can truthfully tell your mother and sister you're okay."

"How very thoughtful of you." The sarcasm was almost visible.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Okay. Are you okay?"

"Sure."

"That's not very convincing."

"Please. Just go back to San Fransisco and tell Mom and Loreen that I'm fine."

"I'm worried too you know. So I won't go until I'm thoroughly convinced."

"Well, I guess you'll be here a while then."

"If that's what it takes." He settled down beside her, resting comfortably against the big, steady tree and letting his gaze follow hers through the overhanging branches of the willow to the stars above. "Magnificent, aren't they?" It wasn't really a question.

"Yes, they are."

"Do you miss them? Being close to them?"

"Sometimes. They've always been part of my life. A part of me." Her eyes hit the ground instead. This was getting really personal. She knew he knew it wasn't just the stars they were talking about. How something that was once so comfortable and natural could now be making her feel timid and shy was beyond her at the moment.

Sensing how uncomfortable she was at this renewed intimacy, Chakotay turned his head to look at the breathtaking woman beside him. He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her head to look at him. Though insisting on keeping her eyes on the ground between them at first, she felt the walls start to crumble and reluctantly met his gaze once again. He understood completely, like no one else ever could. Her heart racing like mad, she leaned in towards him, a single tear rolling down her cheek. He didn't stop her. Lips meeting, it was as if they were both back up amongst the stars, and the stars were dancing just for them.

Having endured thus far, all Kathryn's remaining walls crumbled entirely. The kiss, the most wonderful kiss she'd ever experienced, only grew in intensity until they both needed to catch their breath.

"That was wrong," Kathryn said as soon as her respiration had steadied. She had to bite her tongue not to voice the other thought on her mind.

"What? Oh, you mean with regards to Seven." He wanted to finally tell her in words exactly how he really felt, if such a thing was indeed possible, but knew this was not the time.

"Yes."

"I know, and I'm sorry, I know you love her, and so do I, but not like that. Not in the romantic sense. I never have; I've known that for weeks now. On some level I've always known."

"Then why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you still dating her, still leading her on if you know you're not right for each other?"

"It seems wrong to cut her loose in a world so unfamiliar to her. There's a huge difference between living on a ship with less than two hundred crewmembers, and Earth with billions of people."

"I know. And I don't want you to hurt her. I couldn't accept your leaving her unless you really did have to or she'd made it clear that she doesn't love you either."

"I know. That's probably the biggest reason why we are still together. However, I don't see it lasting much longer under any circumstances. She seems pretty distant herself these days, and I know she's been hiding something the last few weeks. I don't see any outcome but the two of us making a mutual decision or her dumping me, bluntly and efficiently."

"I can't help but hope you're right. And the latter does sound like Seven." She couldn't suppress a small giggle. One thing was certain: Seven would always strive for efficiency. The thought of knowing her charge so well slightly lightened Kathryn's mood.

Silence fell again for a few minutes, until Chakotay spoke once more. "You still haven't told me what made you run away."

"Nothing. Everything…seeing you again. At least, that's what tipped me over the edge."

"How so?"

She related to him what her mind had been going through prior to his arrival.

"I see. So what you do you wish to do now?"

"I think you know what I wish to do. However, what I must do is let you go back to Seven to find out how committed she is to you."

"Won't you come back with me? Seven's been missing you too. Seeing you again might help her cope."

"Even if she figures out I'm her competition?" She eyed Chakotay skeptically.

"But you're not. There is no competition. Seven and I would probably be splitting up with or without you in the picture. We're just not right for each other." Kathryn desperately wanted him to be right.

"Well, if you really believe that, I think I will go see her. I've missed her as well."

"You're coming back with me then?"

"I suppose I am. Been here for the past three weeks and it hasn't gotten me anywhere."

"Good. And please let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

"Thanks. I'll try to remember that." At that, Chakotay stood, then offered his hand to his former CO to assist her in doing the same. To his delight she accepted it. They could both swear they felt a small jolt of electricity at the touch of each other's hands, causing Kathryn first to hesitate, then to rise a little too quickly. As a result, she swayed with dizziness and threatened to wind up back down on the ground before Chakotay caught her in his arms. What had been a mere spark was now a wave of emotions. Kathryn's willpower was just barely enough to keep her from leaning in that little extra to kiss her beloved a second time. "Wow, this is awfully familiar," she joked instead in a desperate attempt to cool the air.

"Uh-huh," was all Chakotay managed. The full moon far above them seemed to push him towards her. He could barely resist. However, he just about managed to settle for resting his hand at her spine and guiding her back to civilization, hopeful that before long they'd be able to continue where they'd left off.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: as I'm sure you all know Star Trek isn't mine.  
Author's note: I'm completly disregarding any information given outside the TV-show, such as the name of Janeway's sister.

* * *

"Hello, Seven."

The young woman was stunned and breathless. "Captain, you're here!" she exclaimed. Uncharacteristically, she embraced the smaller woman in a tight hug. Taken by surprise, Kathryn remained stiff for several seconds before returning the gesture. "It's so good to see you again," Seven said as she released Kathryn from her embrace, leaving her hands lingering on her mentor's arms.

"It's good to see you too," Kathryn replied with a soft smile, underlining her reciprocation by mirroring her companion's gesture.

"Won't you come in?" Seven stepped back to let Kathryn through the door.

"I'd be delighted to, and do call me Kathryn. I'm not your captain anymore."

"I will do my best to comply, but I cannot deny that on some level you'll always be the captain of every single crewmember of _Voyager_." Kathryn had no idea how to respond to such a compliment and simply smiled with gratitude before she turned to look at the apartment.

"I love what you've done with the place. A big change from Cargo Bay Two," she joked, attempting to alter the subject.

"Yes; Chakotay helped me decorate."

Knowing this wasn't the only thing Chakotay had been doing with Seven, Kathryn felt a sting in her heart. "Of course," she responded as she started wandering about the room to put more distance between Seven and herself. Stopping by the window, she looked out and asked, "How have you been?" Bracing for the reply, she took a deep, relaxing breath.

"I…I'm fine."

Janeway had to smile at this. "Now, you know very well that's my line." More seriously she added, "Tell me the truth, why don't you? Please."

Seven gave her a very-well nod before she opted to sit down on the couch by the window where Kathryn was standing. "I've…been better."

Her role model sat down next to her. "How so?"

"I think it began shortly after our return to the Alpha Quadrant. In the beginning, everything was so strange and…intimidating. I'm very grateful to Chakotay for helping me adjust to life here."

"That's good, Seven. I'm glad he can help you." She joined Seven on the couch.

"However, though he always assists me when I ask him to, he seems…distant. His mind is occupied elsewhere. Last night he took off in the middle of dinner without even telling me why."

"I'm sorry." Kathryn wasn't sure she really was.

"It is of little consequence. I've experienced a decrease in my feelings for him as well. He was stimulating at first, but I feel he has little more to offer me."

"I see. What do you intend to do about it?"

"I've been debating the issue for some weeks now, but when he left yesterday I finally decided…" Before Seven could complete her sentence, a gentle knock at the door interrupted her. "Excuse me," Seven said as she rose to answer it. "Doctor, what are you doing here?"

"Our weekly social lesson, remember?"

"Of course. I forgot. Please come in."

The doctor gladly obliged and was delightfully surprised to see the reason why the appointment had slipped Seven's mind. "I haven't seen you in months, Captain. Where have you been keeping yourself?"

"Oh, I've just been doing some thinking," she replied vaguely, not quite meeting his eyes.

"I see."

"How have you been? Enjoying life as the first hologram declared a sentient individual?"

"Indeed. Things have been going quite well. I expect it won't be long before my Delta Quadrant research and discoveries are approved by Starfleet Medical." There was no denying the pride shining through his countenance and words.

"That's wonderful, Doctor. Well, I'd better get going," Kathryn announced as she left her seat.

"Won't you stay for lunch? I've…missed your company." Seven almost seemed to plead.

"I'm sorry, Seven. I'd love to, but I have work to do. I promise I'll stop by again soon." Kathryn hugged her protégée, bid the doctor goodbye, and let herself out the door.

xxxxx

Later that day, Chakotay received a visitor at his door. It was Seven.

"We need to talk." That clichéd phrase had never sounded more ominous.

"I had a feeling," he said as he let her in. Knowing it was pointless to offer her a seat, he refrained.

As soon as she found herself satisfactorily far into the living area, decorated to reflect his native heritage, the young woman turned squarely on her heels and looked decidedly at the not-quite-so-young man. "I do not believe there is any point to our continuing the current nature of our relationship."

Chakotay tried not to show how thrilled he really was as he attempted to make sure he'd heard right. "Aha. When did you come to this conclusion?"

"I made the specific decision last night, but I've been debating the issue for several weeks."

"I see. Then you're sure about this?" he asked, feeling he might be pushing his luck.

"I am. I believe we had something for a short while, but after arriving here in the Alpha Quadrant our feelings have continually been fading. Now we are friends, nothing more."

"Well, I can't argue with that." Nor did he want to. "What now then?"

"I have gathered from my research and conversations with others that couples who are no longer together often discontinue any contact with one another. However, I fail to see the purpose of this. We live in close proximity to each other and are colleagues. It would be ineffective for the both of us if we were to avoid each other deliberately. We may as well continue as we were before dating."

"I don't see why not."

"Good."

"Uhm…can I offer you some tea?"

"No; I can't stay, but I'm sure I will see you around sooner or later."

"I'm sure. See you around," he concurred as he let the ever-efficient Seven back out the door, then went straight for the comm.link. On the way, he wondered if this could have been the quickest and most painless break-up in history.

However, Janeway didn't answer his call, so Chakotay decided to take another walk around the grounds.

xxxxx

When Janeway returned to her office, she sat down heavily in her leather-chair and gazed out the newly-washed window, which covered the entire back wall of the room. Her crew was finally free to go where ever they wanted, and the proverbial skies were blue. As her eyes fell on the Golden Gate Bridge, fond memories of returning home swept through her mind. That morning's visit to Seven had restored some of her hopes of future happiness. Her initial gratitude for being back on Earth, which had faded so quickly, was now revived. What was more, she'd been granted a promotion. She couldn't wait to tell Chakotay.

As if by design, she then spotted that very man walking along a gravel path among the richly green bushes down on the ground far below. It didn't take her long to decide she should indulge in an early lunch-break.

"Hey there." Chakotay whirled around at the familiar voice behind him.

"Kathryn!" He could hardly believe his luck. "What a pleasant surprise." His smile was warm and gentle.

"I spotted you from my office and wanted to bring you the good news right away."

"Really? What news?"

"You're free. Starfleet has declared all former Maquis members exonerated due to their loyal and excellent service to Starfleet over the past seven years."

"That's wonderful!" His chest swelled with excitement. This might just be his best day ever. "I guess I'll have to start looking for an apartment then."

"I'd say so." Her happiness on his behalf combined with his gentle, warm smile made her laugh slightly as a fuzzy feeling, emanating from deep within her belly, flowed through her entire body.

"Let's celebrate. Have dinner with me tonight."

"Dinner? What about Seven?"

"I'm glad you asked. She dumped me this afternoon."

"Really? When I saw her this morning, she did intimate that her future with you was uncertain, but I didn't dare assume anything." Though somewhat confused at first, as the news sank in she began to realize what this meant. Her happiness was further exalted, and she hardly knew what to do with herself.

"Well, what about that dinner?"

"Oh, I'd love to!" Laughing with joy, she almost threw herself into his warm embrace, but stopped herself when remembering where they were and that Seven had made him a free man only hours before. The last thing she wanted was to be disrespectful towards her dear friend. It would have been quite humiliating for the young woman too, her ex-boyfriend dating someone new such a short while after the dissolution of their relationship. Hence, she decided they should keep the new intentions for their relationship a secret for a couple of months at least, so Seven could retain her dignity. Additionally, it would allow the two of them to keep their privacy for a while.

"Good. My place at eight." Never had there been a greater smile on his face. Nearly kissing his precious love, he received a warning look and understood instantly why that would be wrong. Instead, they decided to warm up to dinner with a perfectly innocent lunch date instead. After all, they had a lot of catching up to do.

xxxxx

"So where do we go from here?" Kathryn asked at the dinner table later that night.

"You know what I want, Kathryn, and I believe it's the same thing you want." Chakotay looked deeply into her eyes. Lunch had been wonderful. The food had been so-so, but the company and the conversation and sensations that came with it had been oh-so-divine. If possible, dinner had been even better, perhaps because of the sacrifice that was their separation between lunch and the end of her workday. They'd already wasted so much time. "I want to be with you. Forever."

Kathryn took his hand across the table and smiled sweetly at him through the soft candlelight. "I thought so. I just needed to be sure it wasn't all in my head; it's been so long".

Chakotay held her hand tightly, but gently, stood up, and rounded the table to stand next to her. "Nothing will ever be more real than this, us." With the dark, handsome man now kneeling before her, she kissed him as tenderly as a woman possibly could. As they rose simultaneously, their lips never broke contact. Pausing to draw their breaths, they didn't just gaze into each other's eyes once more, but into each other's souls. Then two strong, warm arms took Kathryn into their gentle care and carried her to the soft bed. Finally, she felt truly at home.


End file.
